whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
