Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
