Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
