i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
