you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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