Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
