Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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