Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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