i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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