Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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