I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
