someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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