took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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