none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
