so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
