You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
