Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
