508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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