thus making me awesome and them whores
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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