shes about as inviting as chlamydia
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
