i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
