Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
