perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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