I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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