i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
