Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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