I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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