i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
