just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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