I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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