Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
