he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
God, I missed his penis.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
