Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
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