so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
