i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
