Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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