They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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