I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just puked most of my soul out..
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