Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
