I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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