my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
