I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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