Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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