I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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