I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
