She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
