the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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