I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
