he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
