I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
