Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
