Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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