We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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