Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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