i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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