Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
